Your Responsibilities to Your Children

AARON HASS Ph.D.

AS SELFE-CENTERED AS I CAN SOMETIMES BE, IF SOMEONE WERE POINT-ing a gun at boys myself and my child and my child and told me to choose who would be killed, it would take less than a second for me to answer. I know how deeply you care about your children as well. And yet ,as parents, we don't. I am not, here, referring to fathers who desert their children (or their pregnant mate even before the child is born). I am not referring to drug –addicted mothers who lose sight of their duty to nurture because of their fog-inducing habit. I am referring to you and me, parents with their children, parents who want to do what's right.

I began my book The Gift of Fatherhood with the following: Despite all the developmental theories I had digested, despite my extensive training as a clinical psychologist, despite all the patients I had seen over the years, I was unprepared for what fatherhood really meant until I had my own children.

I was unprepared for the overwhelming feeling of love and protectiveness I would feel toward my children.

I was unprepared for the energy my children would require of me.

I was unprepared for the ambivalence I would feel about their presence.

I was unprepared for the ongoing demands they would make upon me.

I was unprepared for the ensuing, continuous struggle to find a  balance in my life.

 I was unprepared for how the importance of family would change my life perspective forever.

I was unprepared for how much pleasure my children would give me.

I was unprepared for how anxious and frightened I would feel about  them,

I was unprepared for the profound changes which would take place in my marriage after my children were born.

I would now add: I did not fully appreciate the moral duty I hade to my children.

We have the awesome opportunity and responsibility to nurture and shape our unformed son and daughter. Our duties to them are of paramount importance.

It is difficult to be tired, stressed-out , out angry, or unhappy, and still be a good parent. It is difficult to be an understanding parent when you are always functioning on the edge. For the sake of your children, reduce the stress and unhappiness in your life. Because they are children, they will be frustrating, demanding, unreasonable, whiny, rebellious, and clumsy. You must be able to deal with all of that.